HELPING YOUR CHILD AVOID BEING A VICTIM OF RAPE

HELPING YOUR CHILD AVOID BEING A VICTIM OF RAPE

The issue of rape is a very common but disturbing subject in our society today. In our country alone, especially in recent times, the rape cases have escalated. Some cases were even accompanied with violence with some leading to death of the victims. But in all of these, the most troubling part is that these demon-possessed, evil-minded and cold-conscience rapists have decided to also experiment their abomination even on little children. Children of 10 years, 5 years, 2 years and even months old babies have had to suffer rape and other sexual molestation.

Be that as it may, for God’s children, this shouldn’t be much of a surprise as the Bible has told us of such evil that would prevail in the last days (2 Timothy 3:1-4).

The purpose of this article thus, is to help, especially parents, out of their ignorance and equip them with the knowledge on how to help avoid rape and sexual molestations for their wards. Nonetheless, the most important and effective tool is to pray for your children to be delivered from abusers and to teach them the way of God. The following points should be considered seriously.

Dress your children decently and appropriately: Fashion could be something enviable for little children but it can also be a route for evil against the child, especially the girl child. Parents are most times fond of dressing their children, especially girls, as if they are adults. This has its reprisal. When you dress you children like adults, you expose them to adults who may want to take advantage of them; they become noticeable to such people. Dress your children as children and not adults. Think thoroughly before giving them heavy make-up that they don’t need; watch how short and exposing their clothes could be, and so on.

Avoid bathing your children in public no matter the circumstances: This is very common in some local environments and among people of low income. It has almost become the common tradition that children can bathe outside without any harm. May I inform you that the generation we have today is not the same as that of some decades back; it’s not the same circumstances under which our parents grew up. There’s more evil now than then. You never know who may be watching your child while s/he bathes outside. You never know how much the devil may have filled their hearts. When these people start seeing the nakedness of your children, the lust in their hearts and the desire to sexually abuse them, rises.

Disapprove your children walking around naked or with just pants (underwear) both indoors and outdoors: Similarly to the above issue of nakedness, when these children wear just pants and play or move around, you leave them vulnerable. The evil adult who is thinking of sexually abusing your child may be having all sorts of lustful thoughts in heart merely looking at your kid in underwear, especially the plump ones. Remember, sometimes rape don’t just happen in one day; it’s borne out of the evil thoughts harboured in one’s heart over time.

Know where your children go/visit and who they move with: It is important to keep knowledge of who your kids’ friends are and where they go. That way you can know how and when to advise or instruct them to cut off some friends or stop visiting some places where you may suspect danger for your children. Many children have had to suffer rape and molestation because of the negligence of their parents as to whose care they leave their children.

Be vigilant about who’s in your house: This is a very important point. Before you bring anyone into your house to stay, consider the wellbeing of your children first. Be vigilant when you have visitors, especially those who seem to be unnecessarily interested in your children. Never leave your children alone in the house with someone you can’t completely trust. Parents should watch out against incest.

Teach them about sexuality and sexual purity: Many parents make the mistake to think that their children are too young to be taught things about their sexuality and sexual purity. That is a very costly assumption which has in fact proven false. Even if you don’t tell it to your children, your children are learning them elsewhere; from the television, phones, internet, friends, celebrities and so on. What parents ought to do is be the first one to ever teach these children about sexuality; teach them the way you want them to learn it, teach them the truth otherwise, the world will corrupt their minds and teach them the way it (the world) wants them to learn it which will definitely be negative. What to teach your children? Teach them about:

v Their body parts – private and public. The private parts are the lips, penis/vagina, buttocks and breast, while others are public. However we must let our children know that there are some public parts that signifies warning when people start touching them. Just like the traffic lights, the green parts of the body which people may be able to access are head, face, arms and lower feet. The yellow light signifies warning zone. The warning zones include the thighs, stomach, breast (for boys) and neck (for girls). When people start touch such areas of their bodies, advise the children to be careful of such people and stay away from them as well as warm them never to do so again. The danger zones which signifies the red light are the buttocks, penis/vagina, lips, armpit and breast (for girls). Tell the children whenever anyone tries to touch these parts, they must scream and literally run away from such people. They must also report such people to their parents (whether biological or spiritual).

v Menstruation for the girls and common things like erection and wet dreams (release of sperm while sleeping) for the boys. You don’t have to wait until they start experiencing these things before you teach them. The ideal thing is teach them beforehand so that they can know how to handle such things when the time comes. Don’t procrastinate because it may be too late to right the wrong that may have been done to the child before you teach them.

v Virginity and the importance of keeping it.

NOTE: When teaching the children about sexuality and sexual purity, do not exaggerate or lie. For instance, don’t tell them, “Don’t touch boys otherwise you will get pregnant”. The disadvantage of this is that one day they will definitely touch a boy, and once they discover that they did not get pregnant, they may never take your words seriously again and go overboard. Simply tell them the truth the way it is; they are not too young to take it. However, use wisdom to communicate these things to them.

Have a good relationship with your children that will create an enabling environment for the children to open up to you: Children are very emotional and always need attention. If you are a type of parent who is always very busy with no time to spare for your kids or you are always harsh or you always complain about their actions, there is a high chance your children will find it difficult to open up to you on things bothering them. It is the job of the parent to create the enabling environment to have a smooth relationship with the kids. It should not always be about money, business, television, phone, etc., there must be family time. Remember, as a parent, you are only a caretaker over these children; God is the owner and He will demand report from you on how you have handled your parenting job which is the most important job for every parent.

Know your children, be sensitive to them: Parents have to not only understand their children, but be able to tell when even the tiniest thing isn’t right with them. When their moods change, the parent should be able to tell. When they have emotional problems, the parents should know. Many parents are responsible for their children’s sexual molestation because even when the initial signs were there, they never noticed until the unspeakable happened.

Show them love so they won’t look for it outside: It’s not enough for a parent to know s/he loves his/her child, parents should show it. The anatomy of little children is such that they always demand love and seek attention. They are very gullible. If parents fail to communicate and show their love for their children to them, they may easily be deceived by evil people who have wrong intentions at heart. Once they (children) see what looks like love from outsiders, they could be more inclined to such outsiders than even their parents. That’s how many children are taken advantage of by neighbours or regular visitors. As a show of love, learn to spare time with your children – very important. The time spent with your children is not a waste. Don’t think that you could rather be using that time to do some business or see some friends, no! Also, learn to give gifts to your children no matter how small. You don’t know how far that will go to reinforce your love. That way, your children can’t be easily swayed by gifts from outsiders. Give your children affectionate physical touch; they love it. Don’t always chase them away from you when they try to play with you or when they want you to hold them. Say words of affirmation to them. When they do good things, let them hear you commend them. Praise them in and out of season and compliment them. Show them some acts of service. When your children come to you to do something for them, don’t push them away or pass the service over to another person; do it for them yourself, it means a lot to them. You could help them with their homework, or fix their broken toys, or mend their clothes. These are called The 5 Love Languages of Children (from the book by Dr Gary Chapman)

Finally, deliberately seek for the spiritual development of your children: No matter how much we try to shape our children in the way we feel is the best for them, the greatest assurance we can have that our children won’t go astray is to introduce them to Jesus as early as possible as their hearts are still in the developing stage. A lot of morally upright children have grown up to become worse than even the supposed morally bankrupt children they grew up among. A likely reason is because such children were only taught morals but not Jesus. So, whatever will help the spiritual development of your children should not be taken likely. Why should your children have all their school textbooks and yet have no Bible? Why should they never miss school or even go late and yet it is okay for them not to go to church for children services and Bible Clubs or go late Sunday School? Is it not obvious where your priorities lie as such a parent? Why not make amends today?

Ultimately, parents have to start seeing parenting as a seriously responsibility from God; one which they would one day give account to God on; how they trained and protected the children that God entrusted to them for nurturance. Parents should also seek ways to deliberately develop their parenting skills as well as pray to God for help. Engage in workshops and trainings for parenting, read books and seek counselling on parenting. These children are your greatest investments. So, treat them more seriously than any other thing in your life.

By: Samuel Iyamah (Samuel Iyamah)

CEO, Cedar Foundation (Cedar Foundation)

Children/Teens Consultant